Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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