If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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