if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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