You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
