I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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