I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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