I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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