He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
