So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
