I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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