If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
