Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
