I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
