Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
