I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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