i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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