Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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