The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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