You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
