he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't turn off my feet"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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