there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
