YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
