i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
