yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And then he peed in my hair
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