If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
