I need help removing her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
