i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Randomize
