Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
