Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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