He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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