I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
