dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
