the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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