If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
