So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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