yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
