i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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