I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
