Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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