i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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