I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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