He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
