just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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