Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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