Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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