Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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