apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
