Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
