Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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