He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
