Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
