I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
