gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
