If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
