My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
